I deeply apologize for my large gap in posting lately; I feel like such a lazy bum! There was a lot of computer changing and swapping and fixing and tinkering over the last few weeks but finally, yes finally our new computer is here and up and running and AWESOME. The old one is gone, all of our pictures, music, and files are now finally in ONE place as opposed to spread out of 4 different computers & hard drives, and it's just so nice. It's organized and clean and very pretty if I do say so myself.
This thing cost us a lot in a time when we're struggling, so it's a damn good thing that it's as awesome as it is. We're just lucky we had some good help or it would not have been possible to buy, and we did really need a new computer. So anyway, now I'll be able to put pictures in with my posts whenever I want and do all that fun stuff. Very exciting, and I'm very done with all of that.
So today is November 3rd, the day before we choose the next president of the United States, among other things. I am very anxious about tomorrow. I am very concerned that things will go in a different direction than so many of us are hoping they will. I personally am voting for Obama and I cannot imagine him losing this election. I know it is possible, but I can't let myself think of that because it terrifies me. McCain terrifies me, and the thought of him taking over this country is just more than I can bear. I am also extremely passionate about Props 8 and 2, the propositions concerning same-sex marriage and animal rights, respectively. I am voting yes and no, respectively. I think it's absolutely ridiculous that Prop 8 even made it to the ballot... this is 2008, not 1955! Why on earth, in this day and age, are we putting a completely discriminatory law on the ballot? I don't care if you feel that a man and woman are the only ones who should be able to marry; it is AGAINST THE LAW to discriminate based on age, gender, religion, OR SEXUALITY. So many yes on 8 supporters find the reasoning to be that God says same-sex relationships are a sin. Has anyone in this state forgotten a huge fundamental constitutional thing called SEPARATION OF CHURCH AND STATE? Not everyone believes in that God! Not even should have to follow those rules! EVERYONE deserves the EQUAL RIGHT to marry the person they loves. and stop with this sanctity of marriage crap. The is no sanctity left in heterosexual marriages these days. The divorce rate is skyrocketing, people get married for 24 hours and then get divorced, people marry others just to rob them blind and leave them. This is sanctity? And all the while, same-sex couples who have been in loving, committed, monogamous relationships for 30 years or more do not have the right to say "I do" and have the same rights as everyone else. Absolute bullshit. That is all I have to say about that.
Prop 2 is obvious to me, but that is because I'm an animals lover. So many people are bitching about how it will raise food costs and make life more difficult for farmers, yada yada yada. I don't care how much it costs or how it will affect the farmers. Those animals deserve to be able to move and breathe, and I care a whole lot more about that than I do about how much money the butchers and farmers make. I'd choose a farmer going bankrupt over an animal suffering for its entire life any day, so I will certainly be voting Yes on 2.
This is a tumultuous time in our country, and it is a frightening time. So many of us are struggling so hard just to make ends meet* every month, every week, even every day. Every single day I find myself wondering how we are going to pay this bill or that bill, or how we're going to buy gas or food or keep our home. I feel so alone sometimes, but then I talk with my friends and I discover that they are all struggling with the same issues and worries, and while I am grateful for the company to my misery and to have people who understand to talk to, I am deeply saddened by the fact that we are all suffering right now. Things must change, for everyone. Our country is falling apart at the seams and only drastic measures will help to stop that. I've never been one to get involved in politics or political discussions, as I tend to get to passionate and wind up fighting. So I avoid it. In the past I've felt like just one little old vote... what can that do? But this election is so important and has so much at stake that I fully intend to stand in line and cast my vote, even if I'm there for hours and standing in the rain. Barack Obama has given me so much hope and he has so much riding on him... I believe he is the one person who can turn this country around and make life better for every citizen. He is the only person who has ever evoked such passion in me for voting and stepping up to make my little voice heard. He is a great man, and I am hoping against hope that he will become the next great leader of this land and make us a great country again. I am very excited to see what happens next.
On to another topic: marriage.
I learn every day how hard it can be to keep a marriage in good health and spirits. It is made to seem like such a fairy tale at first, and at the beginning it really does feel like one. When things are new and shiny and the love never stops gushing, when fights are few and far between and it is all you can do to keep from using the word "husband" or "wife" every other word. But then the honeymoon ends and you are faced with the realities of what you are now involved in. There is something about marriage that can be so terrifying and so upsetting sometimes, and for some reason you never think of those things until after you've said your vows. The word divorce never crossed your mind until you got married, but now that you're married, the word is in the back of your head and comes up in your mind more than you ever thought it would. Now don't worry, there is no divorce happening here and I'd like to think there never will be. But it surprises me how quickly it comes to mind when we argue. I never say it, and I very likely never will, but I learned (perhaps more strongly than ever) last week that the more you love a person, the more you can hate them too. We got in a huge fight last Thursday, and for the first time ever, I walked out on Bear and went to stay with my mom. This has never happened and I think it scared us both. I was back home within 2 hours, but during the time I was gone, I felt more livid than I think I ever have in my life. Even in the real time, in the moment, while I was still angry and crying in rage at my mom's, I was perplexed at how angry I was at someone I love so much; how loving him as much as I do could go to the flip side so quickly and make me so angry at hateful at him. It's an incredibly powerful and frightening experience when you're that angry. You mull over every single little issue in your marriage, every issue with your spouse and with yourself. All those thoughts slam together as if drawn by a huge magnet and form into a giant angerball, and the thought train progresses on to what would happen if you separated. Who would get the dog? Who would get the house? Where will I live? Even though I had absolutely no intention of actually leaving him, those thoughts came up when I was at the peak of my anger. Our fight had to do with a health issue of his that he refused to see the doctor about. I made him an appointment without consulting him first which set off the fireworks, and he promptly cancelled it instead of just going. He claimed that his health was his business and his alone and that it was not within my right to make him an appointment. This made me extremely angry and by the end of the night, he agreed with me that since we are married, our own individual health is of course the business of both of us. We are married; we are supposed to be in everything together, in sickness and in health. I was livid with him for saying it was not my business, especially when I have lost every major male figure in my life (aside from him) at a premature age and I cannot handle the thought of him even getting sick. My mind automatically jumps to worst case scenario and I can't help that. And then it occurred to him and to me; I got as angry as I did because I love him as much as I do. Our fights are few and far between, and though this one was a doozy, I think we both learned something from it. I love that no matter how grand or crazy our fights can be, even as few as they are, we always come out of it stronger than before and having learned something, and that's why I know we're in this for life.
So, seeing as he will be home in 5 or 10 minutes, I should probably go take a shower so we can get some dinner.
Good luck to all at the polls tomorrow... GET YOUR ASSES OUT THERE AND VOTE!
