Monday, November 10, 2008

Baracking the Vote and Happy Days

A week ago, I barely slept all night because I was so anxious about the next day; about what our future held and who would be elected to control our future for the country as a whole. I was terrified and beside-myself excited; I REALLY cared for the first time. And the next night, as I sat on the edge of the couch, gripping my husband's hand and barely breathing, Charlie Gibson said the words I've been waiting to hear for 2 years, "Barack Obama will be the 44th President of the United States of America." I couldn't help but break down sobbing and hug Bear, and I felt as if I could fly because of how much weight lifted off of my shoulders. I watched as he made the most amazing acceptance speech and Bear and I wept together (for the sake of his manliness, I wept a lot more than he did... really, I swear I did...) through the whole thing as we watched the first African-American President of the United States make MILLIONS of people feel hope and pride in their cuntry again for the first time in years. Never have a felt so hopeful about the way things can be, never have I felt so proud of a choice my country made. I am so incredibly excited to see what this man can accomplish for our country and for our people, and I have never had that feeling in my life. It is an amazing feeling, and one I will never forget or let go of. And while I found myself wholly disappointed in some other choices made around the country and in my own home state, my hope is that this man will help to reverse those decisions and help bring equality and freedom to all people, regardless of anything. The next 4 years will be a very exciting and amazing time, and my only hope is that at that time I will be blogging about how our president was re-elected for a second term and will continue to have the opportunity to bring hope and change to this country for another 4 years.

In other news, our wee Daisy graduated puppy school!!! We're not entirely sure how as she's honestly not the brightest crayon in the box, but she did very well and did come out of it knowing more than she did when she went in.

We are very proud and hope to continue her doggie education and get her Good Citizen certified.

It has been a very exciting week, and I for one am very much looking forward to what's to come...

Monday, November 3, 2008

Voting Day Eve & The Joys of Marriage

I deeply apologize for my large gap in posting lately; I feel like such a lazy bum! There was a lot of computer changing and swapping and fixing and tinkering over the last few weeks but finally, yes finally our new computer is here and up and running and AWESOME. The old one is gone, all of our pictures, music, and files are now finally in ONE place as opposed to spread out of 4 different computers & hard drives, and it's just so nice. It's organized and clean and very pretty if I do say so myself.

This thing cost us a lot in a time when we're struggling, so it's a damn good thing that it's as awesome as it is. We're just lucky we had some good help or it would not have been possible to buy, and we did really need a new computer. So anyway, now I'll be able to put pictures in with my posts whenever I want and do all that fun stuff. Very exciting, and I'm very done with all of that.
So today is November 3rd, the day before we choose the next president of the United States, among other things. I am very anxious about tomorrow. I am very concerned that things will go in a different direction than so many of us are hoping they will. I personally am voting for Obama and I cannot imagine him losing this election. I know it is possible, but I can't let myself think of that because it terrifies me. McCain terrifies me, and the thought of him taking over this country is just more than I can bear. I am also extremely passionate about Props 8 and 2, the propositions concerning same-sex marriage and animal rights, respectively. I am voting yes and no, respectively. I think it's absolutely ridiculous that Prop 8 even made it to the ballot... this is 2008, not 1955! Why on earth, in this day and age, are we putting a completely discriminatory law on the ballot? I don't care if you feel that a man and woman are the only ones who should be able to marry; it is AGAINST THE LAW to discriminate based on age, gender, religion, OR SEXUALITY. So many yes on 8 supporters find the reasoning to be that God says same-sex relationships are a sin. Has anyone in this state forgotten a huge fundamental constitutional thing called SEPARATION OF CHURCH AND STATE? Not everyone believes in that God! Not even should have to follow those rules! EVERYONE deserves the EQUAL RIGHT to marry the person they loves. and stop with this sanctity of marriage crap. The is no sanctity left in heterosexual marriages these days. The divorce rate is skyrocketing, people get married for 24 hours and then get divorced, people marry others just to rob them blind and leave them. This is sanctity? And all the while, same-sex couples who have been in loving, committed, monogamous relationships for 30 years or more do not have the right to say "I do" and have the same rights as everyone else. Absolute bullshit. That is all I have to say about that.
Prop 2 is obvious to me, but that is because I'm an animals lover. So many people are bitching about how it will raise food costs and make life more difficult for farmers, yada yada yada. I don't care how much it costs or how it will affect the farmers. Those animals deserve to be able to move and breathe, and I care a whole lot more about that than I do about how much money the butchers and farmers make. I'd choose a farmer going bankrupt over an animal suffering for its entire life any day, so I will certainly be voting Yes on 2.
This is a tumultuous time in our country, and it is a frightening time. So many of us are struggling so hard just to make ends meet* every month, every week, even every day. Every single day I find myself wondering how we are going to pay this bill or that bill, or how we're going to buy gas or food or keep our home. I feel so alone sometimes, but then I talk with my friends and I discover that they are all struggling with the same issues and worries, and while I am grateful for the company to my misery and to have people who understand to talk to, I am deeply saddened by the fact that we are all suffering right now. Things must change, for everyone. Our country is falling apart at the seams and only drastic measures will help to stop that. I've never been one to get involved in politics or political discussions, as I tend to get to passionate and wind up fighting. So I avoid it. In the past I've felt like just one little old vote... what can that do? But this election is so important and has so much at stake that I fully intend to stand in line and cast my vote, even if I'm there for hours and standing in the rain. Barack Obama has given me so much hope and he has so much riding on him... I believe he is the one person who can turn this country around and make life better for every citizen. He is the only person who has ever evoked such passion in me for voting and stepping up to make my little voice heard. He is a great man, and I am hoping against hope that he will become the next great leader of this land and make us a great country again. I am very excited to see what happens next.
On to another topic: marriage.
I learn every day how hard it can be to keep a marriage in good health and spirits. It is made to seem like such a fairy tale at first, and at the beginning it really does feel like one. When things are new and shiny and the love never stops gushing, when fights are few and far between and it is all you can do to keep from using the word "husband" or "wife" every other word. But then the honeymoon ends and you are faced with the realities of what you are now involved in. There is something about marriage that can be so terrifying and so upsetting sometimes, and for some reason you never think of those things until after you've said your vows. The word divorce never crossed your mind until you got married, but now that you're married, the word is in the back of your head and comes up in your mind more than you ever thought it would. Now don't worry, there is no divorce happening here and I'd like to think there never will be. But it surprises me how quickly it comes to mind when we argue. I never say it, and I very likely never will, but I learned (perhaps more strongly than ever) last week that the more you love a person, the more you can hate them too. We got in a huge fight last Thursday, and for the first time ever, I walked out on Bear and went to stay with my mom. This has never happened and I think it scared us both. I was back home within 2 hours, but during the time I was gone, I felt more livid than I think I ever have in my life. Even in the real time, in the moment, while I was still angry and crying in rage at my mom's, I was perplexed at how angry I was at someone I love so much; how loving him as much as I do could go to the flip side so quickly and make me so angry at hateful at him. It's an incredibly powerful and frightening experience when you're that angry. You mull over every single little issue in your marriage, every issue with your spouse and with yourself. All those thoughts slam together as if drawn by a huge magnet and form into a giant angerball, and the thought train progresses on to what would happen if you separated. Who would get the dog? Who would get the house? Where will I live? Even though I had absolutely no intention of actually leaving him, those thoughts came up when I was at the peak of my anger. Our fight had to do with a health issue of his that he refused to see the doctor about. I made him an appointment without consulting him first which set off the fireworks, and he promptly cancelled it instead of just going. He claimed that his health was his business and his alone and that it was not within my right to make him an appointment. This made me extremely angry and by the end of the night, he agreed with me that since we are married, our own individual health is of course the business of both of us. We are married; we are supposed to be in everything together, in sickness and in health. I was livid with him for saying it was not my business, especially when I have lost every major male figure in my life (aside from him) at a premature age and I cannot handle the thought of him even getting sick. My mind automatically jumps to worst case scenario and I can't help that. And then it occurred to him and to me; I got as angry as I did because I love him as much as I do. Our fights are few and far between, and though this one was a doozy, I think we both learned something from it. I love that no matter how grand or crazy our fights can be, even as few as they are, we always come out of it stronger than before and having learned something, and that's why I know we're in this for life.
So, seeing as he will be home in 5 or 10 minutes, I should probably go take a shower so we can get some dinner.
Good luck to all at the polls tomorrow... GET YOUR ASSES OUT THERE AND VOTE!

Monday, October 6, 2008

Expensive But Great Weekend

This past weekend was a doozy!

Saturday was our crazy day; it started off as every Saturday morning does with puppy school for Daisy. This week we reviewed previously learned tricks (sit, lay down, watch me, stay) and learned how to walk loose leash without pulling (which she still doesn't get so we'll skip the advice and stick with our trusty Gentle Leader). We converted a pitbull-hater on our way out which was a big thing for me. We were leaving the store and this very loud, white-trashy lady walked in with her questionably-hygiened family (I know I'm awful, but they could've used a little help) and freaky little chihuahua-mutant-mut, and she sees Daisy and absolutely squeals with terror. Trembling, she asks me, "Oh My GOD, is that a pitbull? Why would you have it in PUBLIC?!" I want to strangle her for being so ridiculous and narrow-minded, but I calmly confirm that she is indeed a pitbull and assure her that my dog is of no threat to her. Keep in mind Daisy is not yet 5 months old; she's still very puppy-ish in appearance, demeanor, and mannerisms, aka a big, clumsy, adorable dork. The lady is shaking, and seems unconvinced that my dog is harmless. I explain to her, quickly and in short easy words, my viewpoint on the breed and how pitbulls are really wonderful dogs, but tend to be the most common victims in bad raising. I explain that she is just a baby and the sweetest one ever at that, and promise her that my dog will not hurt her. She glances at her oily scruffy husband out of nervousness, and hesitantly asks me if it is okay if she pets her. Daisy, at this point, is exhausted from training and politely sits in front of her and bows her head, wagging her tail a little bit. The lady bends over and pets her, and Daisy reaches up and gives the smelly lady a kiss. She started for a moment and then, realizing she was being kissed and not bitten, starts laughing excitedly and stupidly as if she'd conquered a dragon. She petted Daisy a little longer and then stood up and proclaimed, "I'm so terrified of pitbulls, but she is just the sweetest thing!" I nodded in my polite-but-I-told-you-so way, and she thanked me for helping her overcome her fear of pitbulls. Despite her craziness, I am happy to help show anyone who is scared of pits how amazing they can be. This was the emotional highpoint of my day.

We didn't take Daisy to the park because it had rained the day before and because we had to meet Bear's grandma (Red) for lunch in Petaluma. So we drove home and dropped Daisy off and headed to Petaluma for some good ol' IHOP (YUCK!). I've never been a big find of IHOP but wherever Red wants to go is where we go and that's just fine. We got to watch a police ordeal involving some crazy lady and her possibly-abused child (who she fairly violently dragged to the bathroom, kicking and screaming like he was going to butcher, which prompted the manager to call the police just in case [as he already had a black eye... you just never know]). Everything seemed to turn out fine. I had these awful "garden crepes" that were positively drenched with an awful hollandaise; totally couldn't eat it and the leftovers (that I will never eat) are still in my fridge. Olive gave Bear his birthday present, (finally!) a check for $1000 toward the new computer. This was the last financial piece (and obviously the largest) in our new computer puzzle, so after lunch we went to the bank, took care of all the money, and sped home. After about an hour of tweaking it to bang-for-our-buck perfection, we placed the order for our brand new Dell XPS 630 Ultimate edition, with all kinds of awesome crap in it. As Bear says, it's about 1 step down from the top of the line and it's going to be AWESOME! We also, after much debate about how broke it was going to make us, succumbed to our frivolous desires and ordered a new 22'' Samsung monitor off of Newegg because our current monitor will not properly support the video cards in the new system. So about $2650 later, we will now have an awesome and perfect computer and I don't wanna hear anymore complaining out of my husband (okay... and out of me, too) about lack of a decent computer ever again. Ta-done.

We also had a party to go to at 6:00 on Saturday night, up at Bear's boss's house at the top of Los Alamos Rd. (which is basically like the highest point in Santa Rosa, you don't get a better view or a more gorgeous house). Bear's boss (Rob) has been lobster diving a few days prior and wanted to have a big party to aid in the consumption. We were more than willing to oblige. Photos of this amazing feast, and the views from the house, will be posted as soon as I get the new computer (and hence have one that will work with my camera).

Sunday was by far more relaxed, all we did was fret over what we spent on the computer and then took Daisy to the Rincon Valley dog park. She had a blast and had really needed it. There were a couple of awesome dogs there. My first favorite was a baby English Bulldog named Seymour; he was one of the cutest goddamn dogs I have ever seen and was a week younger than Daisy. The dog that took the cake though, was an older black French Bulldog named Potato. What a poor, hilariously sad little chunker he was. Being a Frenchie, he of course had terrible breathing and sinus problems; if you're a dog person you know this plagues all the short-snout breeds like bulldogs and pugs. But poor Potato, he was just hyperventilating to the extreme and the owner said it was totally normal for him. As she put it, "as long as his tongue doesn't turn blue, he's fine. And even then, he just passes out and needs a minute to re-coop, then wakes up and is fine!" I was aghast at this. All the other doggies were running around him and he would just spin in circles, watching them and gasping. It was like watching a severely asthmatic child; "Mommy I want to play with the other kids but *GAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSPPPPPP* I can't breathe!" It was hilarious and so sad at the same time and I can't figure out how to feel about it. It seems cruel to continue to breed these breeds this way when they have so many problems; I don't imagine it's a very pleasant way to live your life. And Potato was this way after 3 major surgeries, apparently he used to be worse. We stayed until sunset and until Daisy was completely tuckered out, then made our way home and sadly accepted that the weekend was already over. No fun.

Btw, quote for the weekend:
"Your demonic child is about 35 thousand times more likely to bite you than my pitbull." -me, uttered sarcastically during the drive home from the lobster party, discussing the stupid bitch who insisted that my dog is a crazed, violent maniac and that there's nothing I can do to stop it (based on "prominent dog psychology" reports she has read). All the while, her 5 year old is screaming incessantly, spinning and running and yelling at people, demanding --no, violently insisting on-- everyone's full attention, completely out of control, and a little spoiled brat just like her mother. And the lady completely ignored all of it, just continuing on with her profound speech on how my dog will kill my children someday... it's inevitable, you know.




Anyhoo, I/we may have some awesome possibilities coming up, but as I've already posted about a novel in length, I think I'm gonna cut off here and hit the hay. Positive news next time!

Thursday, October 2, 2008

My Silly Poem & Computer Bliss

So below you will find the product of a week's worth of procrastination, of waiting until the absolute last minute because I was dreading it so much. Don't know what all my fuss was about... it wasn't that bad:

Oh my glycocardio,
How much I love you so!
You give me tachycardia and palpitations,
Not being near you is my greatest frustration.
My goodness the diaphoresis, I feel faint!
The hypertension you give me is nothing quaint.
Give me some antihypertensive so I can relax,
My love for you is surpassing the max!
So out of control, I’ll need an EKG
If you don’t come over here and kiss me!

I wanted it to be longer, but that's about as far as I had the patience to take it. I'm too tired for more, I'd rather blog!

I must say I'm excited to have this blog; it's much better than MySpace's. I know we don't have kids or a "family" to be updating people about but I think it will be fun anyway. We have a dog child that everyone always asks about, so for future reference you should know to check here for Daisy updates!

We are hopefully ordering a new computer this weekend, which has been LONG overdue, and which means I will actually be able to remove the last 3 months worth of pictures from our camera and put some on here. Our current computer is so old and jumbled that it freaks out when we try to connect the cable or plug in the card, so all pictures as of late have been sadly confined to staying on the camera. It will also be nice to actually use and update things I can't now, like my ipod. All my music was on our laptop, which died, and then my fairly new ipod had issues so I had to trade it in for one of the brand-spankin'-new ones (i.e. so new that they don't even have those iClear protective cases for them yet... phooey!). Since I can't access my music, my new ipod is completely empty until we get the new computer and remove everything, including all of my precious music and THOUSANDS of pictures, from the laptop hard drive. I'm very excited about it; it's like a real super-computer and will be awesome for everything, even gaming for Bear (ok, and for me a little... that new Spore game is really intriguing me). It's a Dell XPS Ultimate edition with like a Quad-core processor and a 10k rpm Velociraptor hard drive, dual 512 NVIDIA GeForce video cards, etc. All the cool stuff. WAY excited.

So once that arrives, I will be computing much more often, and will be able to make this a much more interesting blog. Until then, boring and picture-less shall have to do!

School's A Drag

So I'm taking 3 classes this semester --all of them online, thank god-- that are really a drag. I'm taking Microsoft Word Core Level (so boring and so BASIC... I've known this stuff since I was 14!), Psych1A (zzzzz), and Medical Terminology. The latter is the one I'd like to bitch about today. This is by far my hardest class; learning the terms and workings of the human body is so hard! It's really like learning an entire new language. My homework this week is to write a POEM using some of the medical terms I have learned thus far. WTF?! Now, I used to be quite the poet in my mellodramatic teen years, but this is just so beyond me. For one, I can't remember the vast majority of the terms I've learned, and for two, how the hell do I make them into a poem?! I'm so over my head and frustrated. The Drop The Class feeling in my gut is rearing it's ugly head but I refuse to give up this semester. I'm doing better than I have ever done and I think I can pull a 4.0. That would make me very proud of myself and I could use a little pride in myself right now.
Don't give up, write a poem, don't give up....

Bear is at class tonight, too. He is doing well, though he's taking a class he's already taken 2 times. He's taking it because they're going to be covering Civil3D and he wants to learn more about it; the subject matter of the course changes every semester so he keeps taking it over and over again. I wish he would take other things too though; I want him to start working toward his degree and I think he underestimates how much Gen Ed he has to do, which he could get all done at the JC before transferring.

We have a lot of school to do... it's very frustrating and I feel like we'll never reach our goals. I want to finish all of this before we start a family, but we're so behind and we really have a limited amount of time for the family starting. I just hope we can both get done and get settled a bit into our careers and not have waited too long on the kids. Only time will tell, I suppose.